Listen Star Wars, We Need to Talk


Star Wars is almost more American than baseball. It’s part of our culture at this point, the great uniter of people and generations. I’m going to see episode VII even if it sucks. And if it does suck, I’m still going to see episodes VIII and IX.

I’ve been pretty good at avoiding trailers for the new Star Wars movie. All but the first, in fact. And I expected to quietly miss the most recent trailer and not hear anything about it.

Oh boy was I mistaken.

The news is talking about it, every forum on the Internet is talking about it and even NPR is talking about it. I can’t avoid it. And I want to. I’ve seen and heard so many snippets from the trailer that I’ve probably already seen the whole two and a half minutes of it in bits and pieces without realizing it.

And there have been questions and theories. Where’s Luke? Is he the guy with R2-D2? Who is Kylo Ren? Why is Leia crying?

And there’s only one way to know the answer to all these questions: Wait for the damn movie to come out.

(Also, there’s apparently a niche of racists who are boycotting the movie due to the absence of straight white male protagonists, but I’m not even going to touch that issue. It’s almost too silly to even acknowledge. They can skip out on Star Wars and continue their imaginary Civil War by themselves.)

Seriously, Star Wars doesn’t even need to release a single trailer to make me go see it. I and several million others were ready to see Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens the minute someone said, “Hey guys, there’s going to be a new Star Wars movie.” We’re kind of whores for Star Wars.

So, to the news, to fans, and to Disney, please stop pushing Star Wars so hard. Not only is it a little annoying, but it’s also coming off as overcompensating to the point that I’m worried it’s going to be so hyped up that it will ultimately fail. Anyone remember The Phantom Menace?

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